Solid men get married.
Whether you're 20 or 80, this is where a mature man's path takes him. These are just indisputable scientific facts, so you can rest easy and read on…
Marriage is where the journey REALLY begins.
Are there exceptions to this 'rule'?
Of course, but the rule remains:
Marriage (to 1 person) is best.
I had a conversation with a guy who was steadfastly committed to his belief that men aren't meant to be monogamous (aka have one partner).
He cited all kinds of convincing evidence, and I actually agreed with a lot of what he shared. If you’ve read Sex at Dawn, the evolutionary biology, anthropology, and sexual psychology is quite compelling and makes you second guess all of the cultural conditioning around marriage.
That said, this dude was in a relationship, and he was justifying why he didn't believe in monogamy. He and his lady were in my wife and I’s Couples Goals program, and his belief was straining their partnership.
Here’s the thing:
It's not about believing; it's about aligning
Among the countless conflicting 'truths' available about romantic partnership (and otherwise), which one(s) do you want to align with?
For me and the men I respect most, it's marriage.
I've also had guys tell me they don't believe in marriage, even if they are in long-term relationships and proudly claim ALL-IN status.
To which I politely say:
Grow the fuck up, bro.
(I make sure to say these exact words super condescendingly, so it really lands 😉)
Again, I understand and can appreciate some of the judgements around the origins of marriage and the socioeconomic implications, etc., or even the whole 'I don't need to get married to prove my love or commitment' spiel.
Blah Blah Blah
Yadda Yadda Yadda
In my humble world-view, these are weak excuses.
Rather than the many reasons to NOT do something, what about THE reason TO do it?
You're right; you don't NEED to get married to prove anything. You don't NEED to do much to survive for that matter.
It's not about NEEDING, it's about wanting - and showing.
Marriage is where you show you MEAN it. To yourself, your person, your family, your friends. To GOD.
The sacred container of marriage is second to none. My wife is my greatest teacher. She’s my mirror unlike anyone else could or should be.
Would you rather connect with a million people in a similar way, or connect with one person in a million different ways?
I choose the latter.
Today and foreva.
Shoutout to the hubbies and brides in the divine covenant.
And to the guys on the path or on the fence:
Claiming your Queen crowns you King.
Feels like a below average bumper sticker phrase...🤷♂️👰🏻♂️🤴
As we wrap up shop, it’s worth noting that my wife and I did have a defined monogam-ish agreement for a season before we got married. We had a few PG-13-ish experiences with other women together, and it was really beautiful and connective overall, but this is sticky territory.
I don’t imagine we’ll dip our toes back in that water as spouses and parents, and I generally don’t recommend this experimentation for most people, unless it’s coming from a place of sincere overflow, where the relationship has a SOLID foundation with this kind of playful exploration as a cherry on top - not an attempt to fill a void or fix something.
With Hypocritical Judgement,
J-Bow